In a few days, I’ll be heading north 750 miles to my hometown in western NY. The same day, husband will be heading west nearly 600 miles to a racetrack in Alabama. He’ll be attempting to secure his first a national road racing motorcycle championship since 1996 (he took a lot of years off in between), riding what he calls his baby Kramer (that’s a four stroke, single-cylinder racing motorcycle for you non-gear heads). I’ll be installing about 50 of my paintings at a gallery space for a month-long exhibition. These are wildly different things than we did in our careers as an attorney (him) and a technical operations director (me).
We are both sorry to miss these events for one another. We want to be there to cheer the other on and celebrate with them. We also understand how important our personal passions are, to not just our own well being, but to the health of our relationship, so there’s no resentment, no passive-aggressive behavior or whiny “I just wish you could come with me” comments.
“if you ain’t growing, you’re dying, my friend!”
This is a second marriage for both of us; we met when I was 45 and he was 50. He has always raced some sort of motor vehicle and I have always been a creator of things. Our previous respective partners did not share our passions, nor did they understand that the racing and the making were integral parts of our beings, and that we would waste away and be very unhappy beings when denied them.
I won’t speak more for him, but for me, having a partner who not only allows it, but actively encourages and supports me in following my joy has been critical for me to do the work I am doing. To know that he does not resent the time I spend in the studio, to have him listen while I blather on about composition or color-mixing (eyes glazed over only rarely) tells me that he gets it. No, he doesn’t deeply understand how I do what I do, but he gets who I am, and how what I do is a large part of who I have ended up to be. And I get that for him, too.
These passions/avocations/obsessions shape our approaches, not just to life in general, but also to problem solving. They sharpen our ability to think analytically and find creative solutions. They force us to learn continuously, not only keeping our minds sharp, but also fostering a sense of personal growth and development. Important, because if you ain’t growing, you’re dying, my friend! They encourage us to step out of our comfort zones and embrace new challenges. They form an integral part of our identity, providing a way to define ourselves beyond our roles in former work or family lives. The benefits abound!
His also requires him to keep physically fit so he can wrestle a motorcycle around while wearing 25 pounds of leather, fiberglass and other protective gear. Mine just requires that I wave my left arm about while taking a couple steps to the right or left. Though, emerging knowledge about neuroaesthetics tells us that participation in the arts changes out brains, extends our lives, and provides many other physical benefits. Read “Your Brain On Art” and be amazed.
While we did not always have the time or means to do what we do, and we feel very fortunate that we do at this stage in our lives, that the bottom line for us is that pursuing our passions is not a luxury — it's a necessity for our overall well-being. The benefits extend far beyond mere enjoyment; they encompass mental, emotional, and physical well-being.
If you are a single human, I wish you the courage to follow your joy; if you are in a partnership, I hope it is with someone who understands the importance of your passion and that no matter your situation, you can create a nurturing environment that allows any and all of you to thrive and grow.
As always, thank you for coming along with me on this journey and, seriously, for reading all the way to the end!
This is beautiful.
You 2 are just perfect for each other!!! It is surely a plus having a partner that gets it and is supportive!! YAY!!