Try Something New, They Said

It will be fun, they said.

!$%)@*$)%**#*%%^*()&*

Can you guess how that went?

And it wasn’t even something entirely new: I was painting!

But…

• I was painting outdoors, which which I rarely do.

• I was painting the landscape (seascape), which most of you know is new for me.

• I was using tools and materials I don’t often use.

• There were unleashed dogs on the beach, which is legal here in the off season, but disturbing when they race up to my chair for whateverthehell dogs want from strange humans. I’m sure their “fur parents” are the same sort who are sure I want to have my fine dining experince enhanced by a screaming toddler. But, I digress.

I have not had a happy weekend, folks!

With the exception of an odd day here and there, I am fairly confident that I can climb upstairs to my studio and create something I like, or at least have some fun messing about. Because I have done it hundreds of times!

New stuff is harrrrd (that’s me whining). Starting from the beginning is harrrd (still pitiful)! Not being successful is frustrating and disappointing. It brings back all the feelings around “I’ll never be good at this, why am I even trying”.

So, here I am at the end of the weekend, processing my feelings while having an adult beverage after trashing all my hard work from the past two days.

I’m also reminding myself that beginner mind is a good thing. Beginner mind is crucial for growth and learning. Beginner mind requires patience and gentleness, and often some deep breathing.

In the morning, I’ll have at it again. And I’ll treat myself as I would one of my students and remind myself that I must practice and listen and learn before i can expect to be proficient. Basically, give myself a break!

I’ll let you know how it goes.

In the meantime, here are some photos I took for reference and a couple of my not-so-good sketches for you to enjoy.